Time to Grow

I have been forced to think about growing up the past few months.

You’d think this statement is coming from a woman in her early 20’s, someone who’s just entered the workforce or who’s recently gotten into a relationship or has had something life-altering happen to her.

It’s not. It’s coming from a 29-year old woman, who strangely feels like she’s 21 and just starting her adult life.

Even more strange is the fact that for most of my life, I was the big sister. I have always had a strong need to nurture. In college, I was the one who took younger people under my wing to protect them and be there for them and give them advice, helping them through the stuff they had to deal with.

How did I ever end up perpetually 21?

I see some people now that I used to know from way back and I  see how much they’ve grown. They’re women with husbands, kids, responsibilities, apartments, cars, loans, insurance, a bank account with nothing less than 100K in it. They’re women in relationships, at the peak of their careers, investing in bonds and stocks and bills and other things I don’t understand. They’re women who travel the world, who meet people and don’t feel the least bit intimidated by them.

And I am here. Not as grown up as I’d want to be.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t reject where I am or who I am. I know that although maybe it’s taken longer than I’d hoped,  I am where God wants me to be. It’s all starting to take form now.

From all sides, I’ve been getting revelations all pointing to one road. That is, the road to maturity.

Career-wise, it’s the first time I’ve been put in a position where if something goes wrong, I take the heat. I’ve always had people to back me up in the past. Now, the buck stops and starts with me. This is the first time I’ve had the privilege of leading a group of women and have the great and daunting responsibility of guiding them and making sure they get the most out of their stint here so when it’s time to move on, they will be wiser, sharper, and really just the very best at what they do. This is the first time I’ve had to really face my work fears and like the Nike slogan says, “just do it.”  I am learning so much about myself, about other people, and most especially about God through my new (old) work. I am grateful and excited to see what’s up ahead.

Tonight, a friend of mine from church came up to me and asked when I’d be free to chat. I prodded him to tell me what he wanted to talk to me and a friend of mine about and it turns out it was about packaging ourselves better. I found the whole thing funny because it was so unexpected but I appreciate so much that this friend of mine (whom I see as both a dad and friend in one) had the courage and cared enough about me to go right out and say what I’m sure a lot of people have wanted to say but didn’t know how. That really got me thinking. It is really time for a change.

Then, when I got home I saw my very good friend Tin’s blog and it was also about growing up.

It took a while, I know, but finally I can say: I get the message, God.