Random Ramblings

I love Sundays, especially when the next day is a holiday, which is the case today. Only in the Philippines (I think) do we move national holidays because it’s more economical to have long weekends. I’m not complaining. I’m usually very tired come Sunday evening, since Sunday is my ministry and church day. I usually end up sleep deprived on Mondays because I end up staying up till the wee hours because I’m still very much awake when I get home and so I end up doing a lot of things other than what I should be doing, which is sleeping. Tonight, I am free to blog and read and watch what-have-you’s on my laptop because tomorrow is still a non-working day for me. Hurrah!

I loved Finding Jonah
We just concluded the series Finding Jonah tonight in church. I found myself teary-eyed a lot of times during the service because what we talked about tonight (and the whole series actually) just spoke to me. Tonight, Pastor Ferdie spoke about how a lot of times, people grow indifferent about what happens around them. When we see injustice, when we see that something is not right, we do nothing. The mantra becomes “if it doesn’t concern me directly, it doesn’t concern me at all.” Sadly, I’ve had moments like that in my life. I remember my mom being disappointed when I didn’t seem at all affected during Edsa Dos. Nothing stirred me anymore. I think it might have something to do with age (and a lot to do with apathy). I’m glad that now I allow myself to get affected about what happens around me. I get mad when I see injustice. I cry when I see that people are lost or on a road to destruction. I get giddy with excitement when something great happens. I am stirred by people who inspire. There was a time I was afraid to feel all of these things and do something in response to how I felt. But those days are over.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:26

Nothing beats Sunday evenings with friends
Had a fantastic time getting together with Iris, Meg, and Fida tonight at Starbucks.  We saw Amy and Gaviene passing by so they joined us. The more, the merrier talaga! Had a great time talking about books, movies, weird quirks, and a lot of other things.

Not so small anymore
I just realized today that my Sunday small group isn’t so small anymore. I can’t believe there are now ten women in my group. And they’re a diverse group, too. I have a budding fashion designer and businesswoman, a nursing student, a college freshman, a girl who manages a home service spa, a registered nurse, a soon-to-be registered nurse, three office employees, and a real estate agent. Age range is 16 to 30. It’s a joy getting to know each one of them and seeing them grow in their relationship with God.

Eager to get read
Finally got myself a copy of The Shack, a Christian fiction bestseller that a lot of my friends from church have been talking about. Love, one of the girls in my small group, bought it for me in the US. Can’t wait to start reading!! Amy read it several times and said that it’s the kind of book you’ll read again and again. I’m excited!

Book Club, anyone?
We talked about starting a book club tonight. Since we all seem to love reading and talking about what we’ve read, it seems like a fantastic idea. I’m excited! Oh, and it seems it will also be a movie club as well, since we all love watching movies, too.

Weekend Thoughts

Of Unupdated Blogs and New Work Spaces

I cannot believe I haven’t blogged more than a month. I’ve been meaning to. But I guess the blogger in me is looking for its old environment (in my own room at a ghastly hour). Still not used to my work desktop enough to write from my office. I guess I’m not used to the office being a place I can be my blogger self. That, I think, will change once we move to the new office in Cybergate 3. I’ve seen photos and my area looks fantastic and is right next to our very own meeting area. I have an L-shaped desk, too! Really excited to move.

Could this be a God idea?

I was driving home from church tonight when an idea struck. I might not need to choose between doing something God is asking me to do for a season and doing something I’ve always loved to do and would love to go back to doing. I can’t really spill any details but if this is really from God, I think this just might work. I’m totally pumped!

Me? Drive my own car again?

So, my mom proposes this weekend to help me buy my own car. A brand-new one at that! She’ll pay the downpayment and will pay half of the monthly installment so all I need to pay for is half the monthly payment, gas, maintenance, and insurance. This has gotten me seiously thinking about taking my finances seriously. I have to admit I haven’t been the most frugal person these past few years. There have been times I was downright stupid about money. But tonight has gotten me thinking about spending less and earning more. Yes, I believe it’s time for me to attend the seminar by Crown Financial Ministries.

Moving in with Mama

If the plan of getting a new car pushes through, I’m considering moving in with my paternal grandmother who’s been living alone since my grandfather died two years ago. The thought makes me happy. She won’t be so lonely with me around. And I get to sleep in her oh-so-comfy bedroom with airconditioning. And I get to eat real food everyday and brown bag real food so I’ll have something to eat at work. I’ll have a car to go around. If all pushes through career-wise, I’ll be doing what I want to do (although I know this will mean 6 days of hard work, instead of my current 5-day workweek schedule). If the work thing pushes through, it will mean getting more financially so I can finally pay off all my debts plus the car. I can go home to my family every Saturday and spend quality time with them. And because I’ll still be living in the vicinity of Metro Manila, the travel and gas expenditure will not be as bad as if I had to go home to Laguna everyday. I think I’ll even manage to be able to work out. Fantastic.

Loving Finding Jonah

The series we’re on now at church is awesome. We’re talking about the life of Jonah. Patrick Mercado, our youth pastor, preached at the 7PM adult service today and his preaching was absolutely anointed. I’m telling you the young man has tremendous potential! If he can preach like that now that he’s in mid-20s, I can imagine what he’ll be like in ten years or so. I’ve been working with him in my church’s youth ministry for the last year and he really has grown a lot as a leader.

The preaching tonight made me remember how grateful I am that even when I ran away and hid from God, He was relentless in pursuing me. I didn’t get the message very early in my life and that’s why I had to go through a lot of gruelling challenges. I, like Jonah, came to the point of being swallowed alive by a whale. There was no one to turn to but Him. I know it’s bad that it got to that point. But I think for me, it really had to come to that. Hitting rock bottom only meant there was no way to go but up. And I am absolutely floored until now when I remember that time in my life when God picked me up and took me from pitch-black to darkness into His wonderful light.

More about that in the next blog.

Love Hurts

I just finished listening to a preaching by one of my favorite preachers in the whole world – my former boss Pastor Joey Bonifacio. Last February, our Fort church went through a preaching series called What about Love? In this series, they talked about what the Bible says about love. This particular preaching that I listened to was entitled “Love Hurts.”

The preaching came at the perfect time because now, more than ever, I am feeling how love hurts. I’m not heartbroken, mind you. If you listen to the preaching, it talks about how it says in the bible that God disciplines those he loves. And if anyone of you has experienced disciplined in the past, you know that it’s not the most enjoyable thing to experience.

I have always had a problem with discipline. Discipline was not a word I encountered very much growing up. There were not a lot of rules that I had to follow. I wasn’t corrected a lot. I guess it’s because I’ve managed to always pass the bare minimum requirements in everything I did. I managed to not attract attention by being the best behaved among my cousins. I managed to pass all my subjects and maybe even to be good at some of the things I engaged in academically and so my study habits (or lack of it) were never watched over or corrected. I managed to look like I had it together when in fact I did not so that no one would remember to sit me down and tell me what I was doing wrong.

It’s not because I hate correction because I’ve come to realize that I feel more loved when someone cares enough to point out what I’m doing wrong. I think it’s more the fear of being discovered that I need help. Growing up I never liked admitting that there were things I could not do. I would rather move on to the next task if I had to deal with asking someone for help. I guess it’s because I hate not measuring up. I hate it when people have expectations of me and I am not able to meet them. I hate it.

I think that’s why now God is putting me in situations where I need to ask for help, where I need to admit that I don’t know a lot of things and I need to be trained and mentored. I need to go up to people and ask them to help me. Something I have never really done in the past but now is something I need to do.

Love hurts. Yes, it does. But it’s certainly comforting to know that God disciplines only those that He loves. 

This place

I hate being in the place I’m at right now.

I can’t really expound.

The longing is just so great that sometimes I feel it will eat me up. But being here also reminds me about my weaknesses, it reminds me that no matter how hard I try and will for something to happen, it will not, that no matter how perfectly I do things I can’t prevent something from happening.

Being here reminds me of how small I am.But I am grateful to be here. Because it’s in times like this, when I realize how small and weak I am that I am also able to see clearly how great and strong God is and how it’s when I’m at my smallest that I recognize how big God’s hand is and how I fit right in it.

This song by Tim Hughes called “Everything” is my song of the moment. It’s a reminder that wherever I am in my life, one thing remains and that is the fact that God is my everything.

EVERYTHING by Tim Hughes

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory

You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory

Be my everything

The Question

Came across this blog entry by Perry Noble. He asks:

What would you be willing to attempt for God if you knew you could not fail? 

A few things come to mind:

1. Go to campuses and speak to young women. I have no idea how this will come about but I have been asking around how I can get more involved in campus ministry. I am not sure if I am doing enough but God has always come through for me in terms of opening doors. The last thing I want to do is be overzealous and go ahead of God. I know somewhere down the road the vision He has given me will come to pass. It’s scary, nervewracking. But I know I need to step out in faith if this vision is to become reality.

2. Move out. Again I am torn. I don’t want to just go for it. On the other hand, there’s a fear in me that I am staying home because this is my comfort zone. I guess what I and my two other future housemates are looking for is favor. Then, we will know if this is something God wants us to do now.

If only courage were something that God can just hand to those who need it. But for courage to come, we need to step out and obey what God has called us to do, no matter how frightening, how uncertain, how utterly uncomfortable it may be.

Psalm 34:4 says “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”

I take hold of that truth as I face the fears that come with obeying what God has called me to do.