I hate being in the place I’m at right now.
I can’t really expound.
The longing is just so great that sometimes I feel it will eat me up. But being here also reminds me about my weaknesses, it reminds me that no matter how hard I try and will for something to happen, it will not, that no matter how perfectly I do things I can’t prevent something from happening.
Being here reminds me of how small I am.But I am grateful to be here. Because it’s in times like this, when I realize how small and weak I am that I am also able to see clearly how great and strong God is and how it’s when I’m at my smallest that I recognize how big God’s hand is and how I fit right in it.
This song by Tim Hughes called “Everything” is my song of the moment. It’s a reminder that wherever I am in my life, one thing remains and that is the fact that God is my everything.
EVERYTHING by Tim Hughes
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me
the hope of glory
Be my everything
Just read Pastor Steve’s blog. In it he said that he voted for Mike Huckabee. I really don’t know much about American politics but this much I do know, the guy does have a sense of humor. I was actually pretty sold on Barrack Obama before I found out he was pro-abortion (also from Pastor Steve). Blame it on Oprah. When I saw that she was backing Barrack, I immediately went and talked to everyone I knew about why Barrack Obama should be the next US President.
Just goes to show how easy it is to form an opinion and stand by it as if it were absolute truth.
When campaign season for our own country’s presidential derby rolls in, I will know better to read the papers, to really research on potential presidents, to observe the person’s track record, not just what s/he has done but what this person stands for and if his/her life reflects those convictions.
Anyone can win a debate, or at least sound smart debating. But not everyone who goes up there actually lives what s/he believes.
And what a tiring week it has been!
As you know, I am back working at
Summit Media. The week was spent chatting with people I used to work with, adjusting to a (not-so) new work environment, remembering how to draft a memo to treasury and other things I used to be able to do with my eyes closed and getting to know the new PR team.
The week was made extra-special because as I faced the new challenges in my life, I began to realize just how much I need God and how much I desire for His purpose for moving me back to Summit to be fulfilled. All week long, as I read His Word, it’s been promise after promise, reassurance after reassurance. I’m just really blown away at how awesome God is.
I will be praying for Steve Jobs tonight. He and the brilliant people from Apple have really made it easy for naturally disorganized people like me to get organized. I echo Gary Lamb when I say I am totally hooked on everything Apple and I cannot wait until I get myself a new iPod Nano or some other gadget from Apple.
Just started using Apple’s mail application and iCal to get organized and I am totally digging how easy everything is.
Just two more days to go before I am officially not part of the staff of Victory. I hate goodbyes and that’s why I’m dreading the next two days.
The last year and a half have been memorable. I have learned so much from working with people who not only talk the talk but walk the walk. Nobody is perfect, of course, and I’m not going to say the people I work with are but they are real people who genuinely love God and love people. It doesn’t get any better than that.
I am so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to get to work for the ministry. To be able to witness what God is doing in the lives of people and in a small way, get to be part of that.
Thank You, God. You are awesome.
Things that have happened this past week:
1. Moving out, Moving in
I moved into a condo in Greenhills last Monday. The place is owned by the mother of one of my friends from church. I am renting half of one of the rooms, which means I have a roommate — one of my good friends, Eunice. Not a lot of adjustment since I got a taste of living away from home and with people from church before. The only adjustment is sharing the room with someone else since I used to occupy a room on my own before. Everything’s great though. It’s fun having someone to talk to after work.
2. Not a great way to prepare for a fast
I started cutting down on food four days prior to the start of our annual prayer and fasting. That meant not having the usual snacks and dinner. Everything was going well until the day we had our meeting to brainstorm about how to improve the way we do our worship services. We held the day-long meeting at Discovery Suites in Ortigas, which serves a pretty good buffet lunch. Dimsum, sashimi, sushi, lamb, fried rice, pasta, crepe, halo-halo and many more! Gosh, what a way to prep for the fast. I didn’t take any rice or pasta but the sashimi and sushi were too good to pass up. Plus a teeny weeny bite of lamb.
3. Juice and Soup Galore!
We started our 7-day prayer and fasting last Wednesday. I committed to doing a liquid fast which means I take onlu juices and soups for seven days. I’m on my third day and so far, so good. Except I wasn’t feeling so good last night. Eunice and I were getting ready to get on the MRT last night when I started to sweat A LOT! I started to feel really dizzy, which they say is normal to feel on the second day of the fast. I feel much better now though. It helps that the prayer meetings are awesome! Fresh fire!
4. The End of a Season
Just two more working days before my season of working for the Fort officially ends. I’m starting to feel sad because I know I’m going to miss the people I work with. I know I’m going to miss working for the church. I know I’m going to miss being part of the team. 
But I know God has called me elsewhere, at least at this time.
God and I have a secret.
My goodness, this is literally the first time I’m doing this. Having something inside that I so want to tell my friends about but can’t. This is just something that will be between me and Him.
It’s nice to have something only you and God know. 
Unlike others who came before you,
What I feel for you grew
Like a seed planted long before
Came out of the ground
With no warning whatsoever
A delightful surprise
Just as a flower
blossoms a bud at a time
My heart will embrace you
No hurry, no noise
Slowly, as the sun rises and sets
And just as certain
*** disclaimer: this poem was written today for no one in particular. really. ***
There are a lot of things I am trying to process right now. Stuff that need to be dealt with. Feelings that I thought were dead or non-existent but were hibernating in my heart all along.
One big revelation for me this holiday season is that I’ve been looking to particular people to fulfill needs that now I realize only God can fulfill. I didn’t think this was so until I prayed to God to heal me of my brokenness and asked Him to let any unforgiven hurts surface. I was in for a surprise because the very next day – it came out like I stepped on a mine.
I never realized how high a wall I built around me just to keep myself from being hurt but I ended up making decisions that were completely wrong because the walls were so high I could not see where I was going.
If you’re reading this, none of this might make sense to you. But I guess although I need for this to be just between me and God, I also need to express in writing all of these things I am going through.
The great thing about going through times like this is that because I know now what’s hurt me, I can also forgive.
Okay.. so I’m beginning to like going on road trips to Tagaytay.
If you know me well, you know that I don’t like traveling. Okay, let me qualify.. I don’t like traveling much. I mean, I absolutely love Boracay! And now I’m starting to like Tagaytay as well. I only like to go to places that are tried and tested. I’m not into adventure much (something I am really trying to overcome) as you can tell.
Here are some pictures from our trip:
first we attended the sambang gabi (dawn service) at 430AM at the Fort
yummy, yummy breakfast buffet at Josephine’s
Marge & Ria
M & Carlo
Meg’s Pregnant Look
Marge & I
We’re going back again sometime next week. Hopefully, we’ll have cooler weather (it wasn’t so cold when we went Saturday) and I think we’ll get the lunch buffet instead of the breakfast buffet the next time around.
Anyone wanna go with us?
For more pictures, click HERE.
